Module 4: Creating Healing Spaces

JONAH: A Positive Behavior Strategy

The JONAH strategy continues to offer us a guiding framework rooted in the story of Jonah. It reminds us to create Just Opportunities, support students in taking New Actions, and hold fast to the power of Hope to transform lives. These principles rest on grace, accountability, and the conviction that every learner can grow.

In Module 3, we reflected on the role of Just Opportunities and the importance of working in partnership with paraeducators and co-teachers. We saw how collaboration can help ensure that students experience consistent, dependable support that strengthens both academic learning and personal growth.

Module 4 now turns our attention to New Actions. Students cannot always control the stressors in their lives, but they can learn new ways to respond. This module will explore how emotional regulation develops, why some students are more vulnerable to stress, and how teachers can equip learners with coping strategies that move them toward healthier, more effective responses. As educators, we are called not only to correct misbehavior but to coach students in new patterns of behavior that give them dignity, confidence, and tools for lifelong success. In the spirit of the JONAH strategy, these New Actions are not just about compliance but about helping students discover better ways to live and learn.

Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation refers to the ability to manage one’s own emotional experiences in ways that support learning, relationships, and personal goals. It includes skills such as using self-regulation and coping strategies to control emotional reactivity and to manage thoughts, emotions, and behavior. When children experience emotional dysregulation, they may violate social norms in how they express their feelings. They may also allow their reactions to the emotional ups and downs they encounter to interfere with progress toward their goals. Emotional self-regulation is closely tied to executive functioning and social problem-solving. When these skill areas are weak, it places extra strain on self-regulation. In turn, a child who is emotionally dysregulated often cannot fully access their executive function skills or engage in social problem-solving tasks such as self-advocacy, perspective-taking, and effective communication.

Self-regulation of emotions is a complex skill that takes years to develop. In addition to being linked to executive function and social problem-solving skills, acceptable ways of expressing emotion varies based on both age and context. Children need guidance and practice to learn how to manage big feelings. Trusted caregivers are essential in this process, offering co-regulation that teaches children how to notice their body’s signals, use calming strategies, and respond appropriately. Over time, these supports lay the foundation for students to manage emotions more independently and effectively in the classroom and beyond.

An emotional response is initiated when something in the student’s environment changes. This change might come from outside the student like a peer’s comment or from within, such as a sudden thought or feeling. The brain quickly scans the situation and decides whether the change is a threat, an opportunity, or nothing important. If the brain decides it’s unimportant, no reaction follows. However, if it’s seen as either a threat or an opportunity, the body will respond with physical arousal such as a faster heartbeat, sweaty palms, or dilated pupils. At the same time, the mind begins to interpret what’s happening. The student might have thoughts like, “This is taking longer than I expected,” “This seems harder than I thought,” or “This feels like what happened yesterday.” These quick thoughts help the student label and make sense of the situation. The reactions of others also play a role in how an event is understood. Social cues influence how students respond to change and manage their emotions. Watching others model calm, flexible responses can provide valuable examples of emotional self-regulation, while kind words or gestures from peers or adults can bring reassurance. Ultimately, self-regulation involves taking constructive action to use calming techniques like deep breathing, taking a break, or asking for help which allow the student to regain composure and choose behaviors that lead to both emotional well-being and effective behavior.

In the classroom, emotional dysregulation in students often shows up in ways that can be confusing for teachers. Externally, the teacher may see a student who appears belligerent or defiant, but internally that same child may be experiencing fear, worry, or stress. Loud, aggressive behavior can sometimes be a mask for anxiety, reflecting the body’s “fight, flight, or freeze” response. Other students may try to avoid or withdraw from a difficult situation by refusing to comply, engaging in lengthy negotiation, or quietly putting their head down and refusing to speak. For a child with academic struggles, this avoidance may become especially pronounced during challenging tasks, as the fear of failure or embarrassment can push them toward extreme measures to escape the work. Social situations can be just as triggering. A student who struggles to make and keep friends may experience overwhelming emotions when faced with peer conflict or rejection. Similarly, students with sensory processing difficulties may react strongly when overwhelmed by bright lights, loud noises, or crowded spaces, perceiving these environments as imminent threats. In all of these cases, what looks like misbehavior on the outside is often a student’s attempt to cope with a level of stress, fear, or frustration that feels overwhelming in the moment.

Teachers can support students who are struggling in this way by responding calmly and purposefully. For example, instead of escalating with the student, a teacher might use a quiet, steady tone to provide clear expectations and reassurance. Offering choices (e.g., “You can start with the odd problems or the even ones”) can restore a sense of control and reduce resistance. Providing breaks that include opportunities to address regulation such as a quick walk, stretching exercises, or access to sensory tools, can help the student be able to return to learning more quickly. When students refuse work, offering to break the task into smaller steps or offering guided support can make the task feel more manageable. Modeling coping strategies like deep breathing, using visuals to clarify expectations, or pairing students with supportive peers, can ease the intensity of the moment. These responses not only de-escalate the student’s current behavior but also help build the student’s skills for regulating emotions over time.

Factors That Make a Child More Vulnerable to Stress

Not all children respond to stress in the same way. Some students have greater resilience, while others are more vulnerable due to biological, environmental, or social factors. Understanding these vulnerabilities helps teachers to recognize the reasons behind challenging behaviors and to provide compassionate, supportive responses (Bowler, 2022;  Purvis et al., 2007;  Kern et al., 2016).

Stressful Environments and Adverse Childhood Events (ACEs)

Children who grow up in stressful environments such as those affected by family conflict, poverty, instability, crime, addiction, abuse, or mental illness, are at greater risk for stress-related difficulties. These experiences can make children more reactive to stressors at school and less able to calm themselves down afterward. Basic stressors like pain, hunger, loneliness, or lack of sleep can further compromise their ability to self-regulate.

Physiological Vulnerabilities

Children respond to stress in very different ways, and their ability to return to a calm state is shaped by many factors. For some, recovery from stress happens quickly, while for others it is much harder. Biological traits, such as genetic factors, brain chemistry, or neurodevelopmental conditions like ADHD or autism, can affect how sensory information is processed, leaving some students especially sensitive to changes in their environment. In addition, traumatic experiences can condition the body to stay on “high alert” for possible threats, consuming energy that might otherwise be available for learning, creativity, empathy, or humor.

Executive Functioning and Coping Skills

Executive functioning and coping skills also play a central role in how children manage stress and regulate their emotions. Unlike adults, children do not have much influence over what happens to them, and at times their coping abilities may not be strong enough to match the challenges they face. Some students seem easily stressed and overwhelmed, quickly overreacting or lashing out when difficulties arise. Executive functioning skills such as self-control, shifting and sustaining attention, planning ahead, holding information in memory, and visualizing steps toward a goal are essential for logical thinking and self-regulation. When these skills are weaker, students are more likely to show impulsivity, disorganization, and irritability. In the classroom, this can result in emotional dysregulation, sudden or reactive aggression, and greater vulnerability to depression and anxiety. Supporting the growth of executive functioning skills not only helps children cope more effectively but also strengthens their resilience when faced with challenges (self-regulation reference).

Role of Relationships and Social Support

A child’s earliest lessons in emotional self-regulation develop within relationships with caregivers. When caregivers respond warmly and consistently to distress, children learn healthy ways to cope with stress. But when caregivers struggle to manage their own emotions or react harshly, children often mirror that stress and become even more unsettled. Without steady guidance, they may miss opportunities to practice empathy, perspective-taking, and problem-solving. As a result, some children arrive at school with coping patterns that make classroom life more challenging. They may seek adult attention in disruptive ways, misinterpret a neutral action as rejection, or struggle to read the social cues of their peers. For teachers, recognizing that these behaviors often stem from early experiences rather than intentional defiance opens the door to patient, supportive responses that help students build the New Actions type of regulation skills they may be missing.

Family Stress

Family stress plays an important role in a child’s behavior, but it is far too easy, and unfair, to simply “blame the parents” when challenges arise. The relationship between parenting and behavior is complex and dynamic. While a child’s behavior is certainly influenced by the choices and consistency of their caregivers, parental behavior is also shaped by the way a child responds. For example, a parent who struggles with mental health concerns or who has experienced abuse and neglect themselves may have difficulty providing consistent care, which in turn limits the child’s opportunities to learn emotional coping and problem-solving skills. At the same time, raising a child with high needs or persistent difficulties can create significant stress for parents, making it even harder for them to respond calmly and effectively. Recognizing this bidirectional cycle of stress helps educators see beyond surface assumptions and approach families with empathy and support rather than judgment.

What Teachers Can Do to Support Emotional Regulation

Students who struggle with emotional regulation often show behaviors that reflect underlying stress, frustration, or difficulty managing their feelings. These challenges may appear as disruptive outbursts, avoidance, forgetfulness, or social struggles. At their core, though, they signal that the student needs support, understanding and practical strategies to help them cope when they feel dysregulated. Recognizing these behaviors as signs of difficulty rather than defiance helps teachers respond with patience and with guidance toward New Actions strategies that can lead to healthier ways of managing emotions and relationships (Bowler, 2022;  Kern et al., 2016;  Purvis et al., 2017;  IRIS Center, 2022).

🐟Case Study: Jamie

Jamie is a 4th grader who often appears restless and easily upset in class. On the surface, she sometimes looks “defiant” when she refuses to start assignments or puts his head down. But a closer look shows how stress vulnerability plays a role.

How this looks in class: During a group project, Jamie grows frustrated when she cannot keep up with her peers on the activity. She raises her voice and refuses to participate. Externally, this looks like belligerence; internally, Jamie is overwhelmed with fear of failure and sensitivity to stress.

New Actions teacher response: By recognizing Jamie’s vulnerability to stress, her teacher reframes her behavior as a signal of distress rather than simple defiance. Instead of escalating the conflict, the teacher offers a brief break, simplifies instructions into smaller steps, and provides reassurance. Over time, the teacher works with Jamie to practice coping skills such as deep breathing, asking for help, and rejoining group tasks when ready.

Key takeaways: When a student refuses to comply with instructions or becomes disruptive, teachers should pause to consider how that student’s behavior might be linked to stress vulnerability factors rather than just “misbehavior.” Stress vulnerability is shaped by both internal and external factors. When teachers recognize these influences, they can respond with empathy, support, and skills instruction designed to help students build resilience.

Control and Autonomy in the Classroom

Schools are naturally built on a power dynamic where teachers make decisions about what should be done and when, while students are expected to follow directions. Compliance often comes with rewards, such as good grades or verbal approval, while disobedience can bring unpleasant consequences, like detention or removal from class. In this system, students who resist are sometimes labeled as “unmanageable” or viewed as threats to classroom order.

For most children, this structure is simply part of school life. But for students with a history of trauma, engaging in collaborative relationships with adults can be especially difficult. If a child has experienced abuse or neglect within a controlling system, they may see any system of authority, even one led by a kind, well-meaning teacher, as unsafe. Even classrooms built on positive reinforcement and fairness may be met with resistance from students who have learned to associate control with danger, powerlessness, or loss of trust. From a trauma-informed perspective, their defiance is less about a need to control and more about a need to feel safe.

In controlling classrooms, learners are pressured to think, act, and respond in ways that reflect the teacher’s values and decisions, often with little room for flexibility or voice. By contrast, autonomy-supporting classrooms balance teacher guidance with opportunities for student input and agency. This does not mean opening the door to endless negotiation or abandoning important academic goals. Rather, it means offering students meaningful choices, providing clear rationales for tasks, and acknowledging the stress, frustration, or anxiety that may surface during learning. When students feel they have some control over their learning, they tend to show lower levels of stress and fewer outbursts or acts of defiance.

Autonomy-supporting environments are not without challenges, however. Some students are so accustomed to power struggles that they struggle to adjust when those struggles are no longer present. Others may find choice itself overwhelming, worrying about making the wrong decision or feeling anxious about missing out on other options. For some, choice may even feel like a burden, especially if it has always been tied to the expectation of completing a difficult or unpleasant task first. These dynamics remind us that while autonomy can help build trust and engagement, students need guidance, reassurance, and patience as they learn how to use choice in constructive ways.

🐟Teaching Example: Kyle

Mr. Alvarez had a student, Kyle, who often refused to start assignments. In the past, Mr. Alvarez would typically choose a traditional, highly controlling approach and would have insisted that Kyle get to work immediately, perhaps threatening to take away recess or send him to the office. This would then lead to more pushback, eye-rolling, and loud sighs from Kyle, which disrupted the class further.

After reflecting on autonomy-supporting practices, Mr. Alvarez tried a different approach. Instead of issuing a demand, he explained the purpose of the assignment: “This practice is going to help you get ready for tomorrow’s experiment, and I want to make sure you feel confident about this topic.” He then gave Kyle a choice: start by working with a partner for the first two questions, or complete the first two independently before checking in. Kyle hesitated but eventually chose to start with a partner. When he later showed signs of frustration, Mr. Alvarez acknowledged it calmly: “I know this feels tricky at first, but remember, mistakes are part of learning. Let’s try it together.”

Over time, Kyle began resisting less because he was no longer trapped in a power struggle. The shift to giving more autonomy provided safety, lowered stress, and opened the door for engagement.

Coercion and Punishment

In some classrooms, teachers may unintentionally fall into using coercion as a way to gain compliance. Coercion happens when increasingly unpleasant consequences are used to achieve compliance. The message becomes: “Do what I want, or else.” Coercion can be achieved via threats intended to gain compliance or via punishments meant to prevent misbehavior from happening again. Over time, these tactics often grow harsher, not because the teacher intends harm, but because their limited effectiveness leads to increased resistance which in turn makes it seem that increasingly harsher responses are necessary in order to maintain control. This process is called the coercion cycle (Patterson, 1982).

Over time, the harsher response becomes less effective, and the person must escalate to an even harsher response to get the desired outcome which restarts the cycle. In classrooms, this cycle can lead to more power struggles, with students pushing back harder each time the teacher increases the pressure.

Coercion and Counter-Control

For some students, especially those with a history of trauma or repeated negative school experiences, coercion almost guarantees resistance. This resistance is sometimes called counter-control. Counter-control results in pushing back against any and all demands, not because the student is “bad” but because they have learned that compliance makes them feel unsafe or powerless. As a result, students may act out emotionally, withdraw, or find indirect ways to get their needs met. Ironically, the more an adult tightens control, the more likely these students are to fight back.

The Problem with Punishment

Punishment may look like the quickest solution to misbehavior, but research and experience show that it has serious limits. It does not teach New Actions skills or replacement behaviors, and it often fails when the behavior is unplanned, stress-based, or urgent. Punishment is also ineffective if the student can escape it or simply tolerate it. Ultimately, punishment can isolate students socially, leaving them feeling rejected by their peers, and may increase anxiety, depression, or feelings of helplessness. Some students even interpret punishment as revenge rather than guidance. Perhaps most concerning, punishment can model coercion, sending the message that “might makes right.” While it may stop a behavior temporarily, it rarely addresses the deeper needs driving the behavior in the first place.

For students with a history of trauma, coercion and punishment can be especially damaging. When a child has been hurt, neglected, or controlled harshly in the past, they may begin to resist not only punishments but even rewards. What seems like a positive incentive such as a prize, a good grade, or teacher praise, can instead feel like another form of control. These students may also feel pressured when it seems to them that their perspective is not being heard, when they feel adults are trying to change their thinking rather than listen, or when they are pushed to obey without time to process or the opportunity to make choices. In these situations, defiance is not simply about seeking control, it is often a desperate attempt to protect themselves and feel safe.

An autonomy-supporting classroom, therefore, is not about removing structure. It is about creating a safe structure where students feel heard, respected, and engaged. Teachers build trust and motivation when they listen to students’ perspectives and explain why cooperation matters. Giving students meaningful choices also helps them feel respected and more willing to engage. Over time, this approach helps students build the skills they need for self-regulation, problem-solving, and collaboration, while also reducing the likelihood of disruptive or resistant behavior (Bowler, 2022;  Kern et al., 2016;  Purvis et al., 2017;  IRIS Center, 2022).

🐟Teaching Example: Joseph

Ms. Rivera is teaching a math lesson to her 5th graders. She asks the class to begin a set of practice problems. Most students get started right away, but one student, Joseph, crosses his arms and refuses to open his book.

Ms. Rivera reminds Joseph that the assignment is not optional and tells him to “get started now, or you’ll lose recess.” Joseph mutters under his breath, slams his pencil down, and continues to sit in silence. The class is disrupted, Joseph does not work on the assignment, and Ms. Rivera feels frustrated.

Later in the day, a similar situation arises in science. This time, instead of issuing a direct command, Ms. Rivera tries a different approach. She sits beside Joseph and says, “I know these problems can feel tricky.” Then she presents Joseph with two options, “You can work on the first three problems with me, or you can try them on your own and check in with me after you’ve completed them.” Joseph hesitates but eventually agrees to work through the problems with her support.

Building Trust in the Classroom

Trust is the foundation of every meaningful relationship, including those between teachers and students. When you trust someone, you behave as if they have your best interests at heart and as if nothing will be done at your expense. Students, likewise, need to be able to trust their teachers. They need to know that the teacher will make choices that are good for them and that the classroom is a safe place to learn, make mistakes, and grow.

Unfortunately, building connections with students can be challenging. Some students carry a painful history with adults in authority and may expect disappointment or harm. Differences in personality, life experiences, and preferences can make connection difficult, and if conflicts arise, grudges and mistrust may linger. Teachers may also have to work against stereotypes or biases tied to age, faith practices, gender, race, socioeconomic status, or cultural background. In addition, cultural differences can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for communication. Recognizing these barriers is the first step toward breaking them down.

Even strong teacher–student relationships encounter conflict and misunderstanding. What matters most is not avoiding every clash but choosing to repair the relationship when difficulties arise. Repair means showing a willingness to stay connected with a student, even during moments of frustration or disappointment. Each repair attempt can strengthen the bond of trust, sending a powerful message: “I am still here for you.”

Warmth is one of the most effective ways to build trust. Warmth is a form of noncontingent reinforcement because students do not have to earn it. It is given freely through kindness, joy, and connection. A warm teacher communicates, “You are valued for who you are. I care about you.” Without warmth, a teacher’s presence can become associated only with corrections and demands, making students wary instead of open.

Practical ways to build warmth in the classroom include greeting each student with sincerity, letting them know, “I’m glad you’re here.” Each student needs to know that they matter. Teachers can also notice and affirm effort and improvement, assume the best about students’ intentions, and share uplifting things while inviting students to do the same. Warmth grows when teachers admit mistakes, show humility, laugh at themselves, and give students opportunities to express their own thoughts, priorities, and values. Because students feel noticed and valued, warmth leads to trust.

Finally, trust is strengthened when teachers are responsive. Responsiveness means noticing small shifts in a student’s behavior, mood, or body language and adjusting accordingly. Responsiveness also involves practicing active listening, resisting the urge to interrupt, and allowing pauses in conversation so students have time to respond at their own pace. Finally, a responsive teacher is flexible and willing to adapt expectations or strategies when the current approach is not meeting a student’s needs.

At its core, trust in the classroom is not about control. It is about connection. When students know that their teacher is warm, attentive, and responsive, they begin to believe: “This is someone who wants what’s best for me. I am safe here.” That belief is the foundation on which academic learning, emotional growth, and lasting relationships are built.

🐟 Teaching Example: Julia

Mr. Lopez teaches seventh grade math. One of his students, Julia, usually walks into class with her hood up and avoids eye contact. Mr. Lopez makes a habit of greeting every student by name, but Julia rarely responds. Instead of pushing, Mr. Lopez keeps greeting her warmly every day: “Good to see you, Julia.” After a few weeks, Julia finally mumbles, “Hey.” A month later, Julia begins making eye contact. This small exchange marks the beginning of trust. Julia realizes that Mr. Lopez notices her, values her, and won’t give up. Consistent, noncontingent warmth can lay the groundwork for trust, even when students don’t seem receptive at first.

Motivation

Current research on motivation and child development suggests that students can thrive without pressure or coercion when they have two powerful supports: an autonomy-supporting environment and an attuned relationship with a caring adult. In classrooms, this means that motivation is not simply about compliance. It is about creating the conditions where students want to learn and engage.

Teachers aim to manage motivation in two directions: boosting motivation for positive behaviors that help students reach their academic and personal potential and minimizing motivation for behaviors that are disruptive or harmful, such as aggression, protesting, teasing, or refusal. Understanding how motivation works, and how it can be nurtured, allows educators to support growth in a way that feels safe and meaningful for students.

One of the most common ways to strengthen motivation is through reinforcement. Reinforcement is anything that makes a behavior more likely to happen again. Behaviors are reinforced when the consequence of the behavior meets a need or leads to a meaningful outcome. A smile, a nod, or a thumbs up from the teacher can all be reinforcing for a student. However, the effectiveness of the reinforcement depends on several factors: the timing of the reinforcer, the certainty that it will occur, and the degree to which students value the outcome.

Reinforcement that immediately follows the behavior is generally going to be more effective. Younger or more impulsive students may struggle to delay gratification and therefore need more immediate reinforcement. As students mature, they are better able to sustain motivation toward longer-term goals, such as grades, promotion to the next grade level, or even college admission. Still, even if the reinforcer is provided immediately, the reinforcer must also be valuable enough to outweigh the effort required. If the cost of complying feels greater than the benefit, or if a student lacks the skills needed to succeed, motivation will falter.

It is a misconception that motivation simply comes from “inside” the student. Motivation is fluid and constantly shaped by the environment, life experiences, and relationships. Fortunately, this means it can be nurtured. Decades of research in self-determination theory (Deci & Ryan, 2011) point to three universal needs that fuel student engagement:

When these needs are supported, classroom activities naturally become more engaging and motivating. Play, exploration, curiosity, joy, and humor add energy and satisfaction to learning, while academic tasks tied to student interests or values feel less like chores and more like opportunities. When motivation is understood as a product of relationships, structure, and meaningful choices, students are far more likely to invest in their learning. Instead of relying on pressure or coercion, teachers can create classrooms that support autonomy, relatedness, and competence where motivation can flourish.

🐟 Teaching Example: Lila

Ms. Chen teaches 9th grade English. One of her students, Lila, is bright and thoughtful but avoids turning in essays. Instead of working, she doodles, stares at her paper, or quietly asks to go to the bathroom. When Ms. Chen finally collects her work, Lila apologizes and says, “It’s not good enough” or “I didn’t want to hand in something bad.”

Unlike students who avoid work because it isn’t immediately reinforcing, Lila avoids work because she fears failure. The possibility of making a mistake feels overwhelming, so she chooses inaction as a way to protect herself. Grades and praise don’t motivate her. In fact, they increase her anxiety.

Ms. Chen changes her strategy to reduce pressure and build confidence:

As the semester goes on, Lila begins submitting more work. She still hesitates with longer assignments, but because she feels safer and more supported, she takes more risks. She begins to see mistakes not as proof of failure, but as part of growth.

Pulling it All Together

Students’ behavior in the classroom is often shaped by a wide range of life struggles that impact their ability to regulate emotions and respond appropriately. Limited problem-solving skills or weak emotional coping strategies can make it difficult for students to handle frustration or conflict. Gaps in executive functioning skills, such as planning, organizing, and self-control, may lead to impulsive or disruptive behavior. In addition, adverse life experiences and challenges within the family environment can increase stress and reduce a student’s capacity to manage emotions. Some students also face unique challenges related to neurological differences such as ADHD, autism, or other genetic traits that can influence temperament. Finally, difficulties with physical or mental health, including conditions like depression or anxiety, can further affect a student’s ability to stay engaged and regulated. Recognizing these contributing factors helps teachers view behavior through a compassionate lens and respond with strategies that build New Actions skills rather than simply try to manage the problem.

Choose and Use Challenge

Consider the strategies explored in this module such as offering meaningful choices, celebrating progress, building trust, teaching coping skills, and creating more autonomy in the classroom. Choose one specific practice that feels both doable and impactful for your classroom. Use it consistently over the next week, paying attention to how your students respond. Notice what works well, what feels challenging, and how it affects your own stress levels and relationships with your students. Be ready to share the results with your implementation partner, including your thoughts on the process and any adjustments you made along the way.

One idea I will implement next week is...

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About the Author

Dr. Kathleen VanTol has over 35 years of experience working in the field of education. She holds a doctorate in special education from Western Michigan University and is a professor of special education at Dordt University. She is also a Board Certified Behavior Analyst and a Board Certified Advocate in Special Education.

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